How easy is it as a couple to use the Christmas chaos as an excuse not to indulge in a bit of sexy time? So easy! Kids, in-laws, parties, life in general can make for the perfect excuse to pop the Christmas PJ’s on and say goodbye to nakedness.
But! What if we want to reverse the trend here? Inject a bit of je ne sais quoi into the Christmas season. Unleash the inner kink in you. Why not go for a kinky Christmas full of exploration, sexual energy and the tingling of erogenous zones?
Here’s our guide to having yourself a merry kinky little Christmas NOW!
Why is it that we associate hot sex with fast, out of control sex? We totally appreciate that you might only have time for a quickie whilst you’ve left the kids in front of a movie. Or maybe you’re swamped with work, Grandma has taken up residence on your sofa, you’ve got a feast to cook? Quickie sex is incredible but slow sex: mind blowing.
Sex is all about the senses. Multiple nerve tingling senses. Slow it down and you’re feeling so much more. Your brain is processing all those light, gentle strokes, touches, tongues, lips meeting, smells. You’ve got time to actually look at each other. And the best bit? Slow it down and your orgasm might be that bit stronger.
So take a breath, devour the sexual tension and build the climax to the ultimate crescendo.
Kink can be interpreted in so many different ways. It doesn’t need to involve getting your nipples twisted or your balls crushed by 6 inch stilettos. It can be as simple and as beautiful as a fantasy. A fantasy that you’ve been brave enough to open up the comms on with your partner and you want to explore.
You don’t need to dive in at the Fifty Shades deep end. Go steady and take some small playful steps first.
First things first. Talk about it. You might want blindfolds and bondage gear but your partner might have their eye on that Jo Malone candle perched provocatively on your bedside table and a little hot wax action. What’s to stop you trying everything? Just get on the same page before you jump on the same kink.
Here’s our top 3 you might be doing already without realising. Go you you kinky beast!
How do you talk dirty during sex? Whether you can teach this is debatable. Can you get jiggy with someone with a pre-planned script in your head? Hmmm. Let’s not overthink this, dirty chat all comes down to comms and confidence.
Have the confidence to speak your sexual truth. You’re in this together, so work together physically, mentally, verbally. Unleash that inner minx and speak up! If a certain word doesn’t work for you, strike it off the sexual script and laugh it off. Live your authentic filthy chat life!
The holy grail of sex chat: ‘whose had the elusive threesome’? It may be the holy grail but it's also the most common fantasy going. So if you’ve dived in or are giving your partner the ultimate Christmas present of a menage-a-trois then let’s arm you with just a couple of bendy, easy positions for you to limber into.
There is no doubt a sexier name for this but we’re going with The Peeker. It’s a perfect position for someone not quite ready to launch in or for someone who quite literally likes having a peek. Sit back and enjoy the action - quite literally sit back - and get stuck in when you’re good to go.
We’re going with a bit of a wrestling theme for this next one. The Tag Team position. In short, Person A sits on Person B’s face and receives a bit of tongue action. Person B has to multi-task here by working some magic with their tongue whilst receiving something (be it a penis or strap-on) from Person C. Person C’s job is to penetrate Person B. Lost? Us too. Draw a diagram!
Last but by no means least we present The Tongue Flex. Just because you’re having a threesome it doesn’t necessarily need to involve penetration. Just think tongues and genitals, everyone is fair game. So if you spot a free genital shimmy in there with that tongue of yours and get pleasuring whilst being pleasured.
Very different experiences of course. But both are equally orgasamic. If you’ve got the toys, dust them off and slide that rampant rabbit between your thighs. Bring yourself to nerve tingling heights of ecstasy that would make Santa blush. Or better still, put the toy in your partner’s hand. Let them be the wielder of pleasure.
They can touch, tease, and tickle you in unexpected places. They can hold back play just as you’re about the cum leaving you begging for them to finish you off.
Step back, step away from penetrative sex and just play for a moment.
Sex outside is illegal so anything we say may not be used in evidence. Etc etc. Right! Just because it’s winter and you’re worried about your bits getting chilly outside, what's to stop you getting creative when it comes to finding places to make love?
It’s not for everyone but for some it is the ultimate thrill. The slight hint of the possibility of being caught. The rush of adrenaline as you hear someone walk past. Did they see you? Did they hear you? Go on, we dare you!
Here’s a few little ideas which absolutely didn’t come from us if you do get caught.
The cinema fumble. It’s dark, everyone has eyes facing forward and is deeply ingrained in the movie. And there’s you sliding off your chair. Writhing around as your partner’s fingers slide inconspicuously between your legs. The subtlest of strokes so as not to draw attention. The lightest of touches. The biting down on your sleeve as you try and muffle your moans of ecstasy. Sounds tempting doesn’t it?
The Woodland Walk. It’s cold, it’s damp, there’s a slight drizzle in the air. Or is that drizzle dripping in between your legs? If you love nature, woods are the perfect locations to get a little intimate. Find a solid oak tree to slam up against. Use the woodland floor of leaves to cushion your bodies as you immerse yourself in the natural world!
On the Ascension & Descension. In a lift we mean. Except you’ll need to be quick with this one. You are somewhat on the clock depending on how many floors are involved. And perhaps consider the threat of the lift stopping at earlier floors to the top one you pressed. And actually perhaps consider that there might be a camera in the lift. And whilst we're on the subject, perhaps re-consider if it's a glass lift. BUT how frickin’ hot would sex in a glass lift be!
Maybe you’re not with your sex interest over the festive period. Maybe they’re sitting a metre away from you on the sofa. Either way, sexting can be saucy. So saucy. It can build the suspense so high that you can bring about an almighty explosion before you’ve even rubbed any bodily bits together.
There are so many tips on how to start sexting. Can it be taught? Let’s just say if you’re reaching for a script maybe the creative juices aren’t quite being diverted towards the right person. Sexy chat with the right person should roll off the tongue. Sexy juices rolling off the actual tongue come next.
It all boils down to timing. Is the person holding the other phone ready to be hit with your best sext? Back away from the photos initially. Let the imagination do its thing. Let the words form their own erotic script. Let the sexual tension build. And build. And build.
So there you have it. Our whistle stop tour of a kinky Christmas. Whichever idea tickles your taste buds, whichever one has got you hot and bothered, go for it. Turn up the heat over the festive period, set yourself some saucy challenges and choose naughty over nice!