How to Talk to your Kids about Sexual Health

Do you feel nervous when approaching conversation topics such as puberty, sex, and sexual health with your children? You are not alone. Talking to kids about sexual health can be a sensitive and uncomfortable topic for many parents, with research suggesting that 20% of parents don't speak to their kids about sex at all.

In the past, we could rely on schools to handle this matter for us when our children reached an appropriate age, but that's no longer the case. Social media and the internet mean our children may be exposed to sensitive topics from a very young age. It's almost impossible to monitor the content they are consuming, so we must ask ourselves where we want this critical information to come from. 

Why do I struggle to talk to my children about sex?

So, why do we feel uncomfortable broaching these subjects when they are so vital? There are many reasons why we may feel uncomfortable discussing sexual health with our children. Often it's because our own parents didn't approach these discussions with us either.

You may feel unprepared or fear that you lack knowledge in this area, or you might be worried about your children becoming sexually active at a young age. However, we must recognise that sexual health education is crucial for our children's future wellbeing and development. Despite the challenges, we must find ways to overcome the barriers that prevent open and honest communication about sexual health.

Why is it important to discuss sexual health with my child?

Discussing sexual health with our children helps them make informed decisions about intimacy and diffuses the stigma around sex. Teaching children about reproductive health is important because it empowers them to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships. It gives them the tools and knowledge they need to engage in healthy sexual behaviours while avoiding risky behaviours like unprotected sex, unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted infections.

It encourages them to have safe sexual experiences in later life and know they can ask for your help or advice if they need it. Research shows that more than 1 in 5 sexually active teenage girls have used emergency contraception. If this was your daughter, wouldn't you prefer to know about it, and be there to support her?

Having open conversations about intimacy can help in various ways. It can improve your child's understanding and knowledge of sexual health while allowing them to explore questions or concerns in a safe environment. It can increase their confidence and self-esteem by helping them understand their bodies and how to identify red flags. These discussions can strengthen the bond between us and our children, and open a channel of communication.

How should I talk to my children about sex and sexual health?

There are a few things you can do to make the conversation about sex and sexual health more comfortable for both you and your child. You should approach these discussions in a thoughtful and informative manner. Here are some tips on how to talk to your kids about sexual health:

1. Choose an appropriate time and place

Bring up the conversation about sexual health early, ideally before puberty starts. Make sure your child feels comfortable and relaxed before you begin. Initiate conversations about sexuality and gender identity from an early age to help them gain awareness of these topics. This transparency will help them to feel comfortable discussing any topic with you, including sensitive ones like sex.

2. Use age-appropriate language and explanations

Tailor your discussions to your child's age and level of understanding. Provide accurate information in a way that they can understand. Avoid overwhelming them with too much information at once.

3. Be honest and factual

Be prepared to answer their questions honestly. If you don't know the answer to a particular question, admit it and make an effort to find out. Address any misconceptions your child may have. Use scientific terms when discussing body parts and functions, reinforcing that there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about their bodies.

4. Emphasise consent, boundaries, and respect

Teach your children about consent and the importance of setting personal boundaries and respecting others' boundaries. Explain what a healthy relationship looks like and emphasise the importance of mutual respect, trust, and communication.

5. Address values and beliefs

Discuss your family's values and beliefs regarding sex, relationships, and contraception. Provide your perspective while acknowledging that others may have different views. Take a positive and respectful approach to any topics you discuss, and encourage open-mindedness and critical thinking.

6. Be prepared to answer questions

Anticipate that your child may have questions, and be prepared to answer them honestly and age-appropriately. If you don't know the answer, offer to find reliable resources together or consult with professionals, such as healthcare providers or sex educators.

7. Address the influence of media and peers

Discuss the influence of media, including the internet and social media, on perceptions of sex and relationships. Young people are highly impressionable. Help your child to develop critical thinking skills and encourage them to question the messages they receive from media or friends about sexuality and sexual relationships. Encourage open discussions about peer pressure and societal expectations.

8. Normalise conversations about sexual health

Make these discussions a regular part of your family conversations. It shouldn't be a one-time event but an ongoing dialogue where your child feels comfortable seeking information and guidance. Talk to your kids about sexually transmitted infections, sexual health services, and STI testing when they are at an appropriate age.

9. Encourage healthy decision-making

Teach your child about the consequences of their choices, including the potential risks and responsibilities associated with sexual activity. Help them to understand the importance of using protection with sexual partners. Teach them about condoms and contraceptive pills. Promote informed decision-making, highlighting the importance of self-care and responsible behaviour.

10. Seek professional resources and support

If you feel uncertain or uncomfortable discussing sexual health, consider using resources such as books, online materials, or professional guidance from healthcare providers, therapists, or sex educators.

Children are curious beings. It is natural for them to have questions about sexuality, and as parents, it is our responsibility to answer their queries and guide them towards healthy sexual behaviour and safer sex. Our children need to know they can speak to us about sex and sexual health. They need to be confident to approach us if they ever need help. Open communication about sexual health can help achieve this.

iPlaySafe provides home STI testing kits integrated with an app. Our mission is to end the cycle of STIs and encourage people to have safer sex. Read more articles on our blog to learn about STI transmission, symptoms, and treatment here.